Essentially, I wanted to talk about how finding a mate who is perfect for you is not the same as finding a person who is perfect then trying to live with her/him. (It won't be long because most of my thoughts were in between ideas about cycles per minute and dripping sweat).
I first thought about making a list:
- The perfect person knows how to fix all kinds of cars; the perfect mate does it before you ask.
- The perfect person wins at everything and has an extremely short learning curve for the new stuff; the perfect mate has weaknesses and allows you to exploit them.
- The perfect person comforts you when you have a sudden, inexplicable breakdown; the perfect mate has breakdowns too.
But then I thought that might become boring rather quickly--both for me and you--and moved on to what I think about each type of person.
Someone perfect: I can't say that I've met very many perfect people in my life, possibly a handful, but it seems like that is what we're often pushed to want. Movies and television try to tell us there are perfect people out there, and our friends and family encourage us not to settle for anything but the best. There probably are some people who are great in many different areas and who may not allow the evidence of their weaknesses to become visible. There are individuals I admire for their drive and talent, but the thought of living with them sits a little uneasy with me. I think perfect people, or those who come close to it, are best left for admiring at a distance. Even a mentor, someone who guides you through areas of life in which they were successful, should show some faults. Who wants to be around someone perfect everyday? They just constantly make you feel bad about yourself. Granted, it is often beneficial to have someone around who pushes you to be better. But when they do everything better than you? That's no fun.
The perfect someone: I also can't say that I've met very many perfect someone's in my life, and I think I married the first one who came along. (It's not a bad strategy). The perfect someone is about finding balance--and this applies to close friends as well as partners. Being with someone you admire does great things for your determination. Being with someone who admires you does even greater things for your confidence. I don't believe in there being a perfect mate, someone who compliments you entirely, in the way that match.com or any of those other sites proposes. It's something that develops over time. At first, you find someone you enjoy spending time with, and eventually, you learn how to make that time productive for the both of you. You learn when you need to be strong and when it's okay to be weak. A perfect couple is something that probably takes a lifetime, or at least half of one, to build together.
I'm happy that I'm not perfect and that Melanie isn't either (sorry, Carol). Ultimately, finding the perfect person to spend the rest of your life with--or the perfect people to share it with--is all about filling in gaps. And perfect people don't have gaps.
In case anyone suspects I secretly believe I'm someone perfect, let me explain how horribly inept I felt yesterday when Melanie and I went swimming (for exercise, not fun). Or rather, let me share a piece of Kurt Vonnegut's preface to Welcome to the Monkey House which I believe she could use as a motto: "In the water I am beautiful."
